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It has always amazed me with its characteristics. Being one of the unsolved strangest mysteries, time does not travel back. It just goes on. There have been innumerous moments when we felt for just one sec, to stop the ticking time. Not because we are afraid of the future, but because we don’t want to lose the beautiful moments of the past.

There were times we didn’t mind being at home, cuddling around our mother whole day and hugging her at frequent intervals.. In the race for getting money and power and what not, we now rarely get leave and holidays to spend one day with her.

There were times we played with our relatives and cousins and siblings in holidays. And now they all are grown up. They now meet at the occasional functions and say hi and bye together with a smile.

There were times we sat in the back bench in our old school and played with the pencils, pens and boxes of your school friends and longed for one day to wear the color dress. Now, you are busy buying sarees to attend the same school friend’s marriage function. You discuss and make fun of them and then end up thinking, one more off the chain…

There were times when we bunked the college classes to hang around here and there writing assignments, and records and laughing for every word we said even amidst the tensions of lab and semester exams. Now, even when we are just few miles apart, we rarely call each other…

There were times we enjoyed the beauty of life with our room mates and friends, by hanging out and being in the room. The discussions and jokes, the frustrated rants about the office work, the fever and illness downtimes, watching of movies, the beach outing, the photo sessions, the lunch and dinner treats and the group shopping, the Uno and donkey card games, the making fun of each other with the relationships and all. Now, all are scattered in different parts of the world, with barely few phone calls and mails to each other…

PS: The alarm clock next to me, shrieked heavily. It was already 7 in the morning. Its another day already.
But.. ain’t I slept just a few mins ago…! Hmmm… Mayb not..

The rains had just stopped. The sky was getting clearer. The waves was slowly splashing across the shore, as if some storm had passed by. He was looking onto the horizon and the serenity of the sea. He loved beaches. The sea and the infinity tinkled his mind and soothened his brain, or does it make him think? Whatever. She continued changing her gaze on him to sea and after a while onto him again. She loved being with him on his favourite place to enjoy the silent calmness. Maybe cos he is at his best when at beach? Whatever.

Slowly, smiling at one of her alternative gaze, they looked at each other as if asking “kya dekh rahe ho” to her. As if to answer him, she smiled back bleakly.

“Why smiling”
“Nothing…”
The smile portrayed the hidden flirting playing on her face.

“Hey do you remember the first time we came here?” She continued.
“Ya.. And that time you were sitting 5 feet far from me!” He said making a sad expression.
“Hehe.. Ya. But you were blurting out all those philosophical crap, and was not at all making me feel that you want me near!” She smiled playfully again.
“Yeah. Thats was the beach effect.. but later on your effect was the one prominent na. ”
He gave her such a smart look, that she blushed and replied, ” Hmm… ”

Both sat in the silence followed. Memories were gushing up as like the blood through the veins. The fate always liked to play the game by rewinding and playing it all again. The times had changed, but the music prevailed in the air.
Finally she couldn’t bear the silence more. It was tearing at her heart. Her face became serious slowly and dark owing to the sadness.

“I am getting afraid ya..” She said it very slowly, looking at his face, as if waiting for him to respond and caress her.
” For what??? ” He was stupid from the beginning in understanding these small girlish hints..
” That guy is coming to see me next Sunday na.. ”
” So…? ”
She glared and stared at him blankly on hearing such a passive response.
” We already decided na, then why thinking of it again n again..” He couldn’t understand why she thinks too much always.
” Hmmmm.. yeah.. but.. ”
She couldn’t look at the beach nor the sky nor at him. She held her heads down at the sands. She found herself in them. Soft and scattered.

” Now what???” He never could see her sulky for long.
After what it seemed to be a long silence, she replied slowly thoughtfully..
” Nothing…”
They sat in that silence with the sea winds blowing onto their face.

.::Epilogue – When you say nothing at all… ::.

Online friends, or unseen or unmet friends…

It had been my old habit of talking to strangers. The world of internet had opened to me long back, a new way to make new friends. Being member of various tech forums( don ask why I joined them! ), I had so many acquaintances to whom I could chat online in yahoo/msn messengers. There was a peak time, which even persuaded me to enter the chat rooms and I was chatting in 3-4 windows simultaneously with strangers starting with the “asl”. I don’t remember the names now, but I do remember that I had talked to one person who claimed to be from Pakistan. And there was also another person who was so talkative and so impressive in his talk and humour style. Now, when I think back of those days, a smile or rather a sheepish grin originates around the corner of my lips.

Though I had been the regular member of Tech Arena and then the Tech Enclave, it all started with the Digit forums. There are some long lost members who know me (and vice versa) by just an online name and nothing more. But there were few who kept the relation going, and thankfully to them, it is still active, through some strange bond, and also with the help of the common link Chennai, blogging and of course the messenger! Over these years, I knew them only through the posts they make in some new tech forums, the yahoo chats we have, and the photos in orkut, the mobile smses, and very few have gone up to the stage of mobile calls (that too some calling almost daily or twice a week!). The chains were missing in between for a while, but I guess its the Time who linked the broken links of the chain to bring us more closer. These unknown but, friendly strangers, have grown close to play important roles in my life in the form of brothers, friends and some more than that.. It is indeed a strange experience, to discuss with a person, whom you never met, though you have either seen the face or heard the voice. And especially, when they grow up to become your closest friends in your life, just like one of the Top friends in Facebook. The relation may get worse or better after the meet, but I guess its always the same whenever you meet any of them for the first time. Though I agree and I should warn others to be careful while disclosing the details to your online friends.

The month of October has lots of memories related to me in the past two years. And I hope, this month it will turn out to be yet another memorable month. Before any such meeting with online friends, I always feel an excitement, creating a big hush of waves in my mind shore, of past storms, of the hidden consolation, or of unknown future.. Maybe I am again just into such an emotion, as usual…

Hmmmm……

Every human being is a social animal. He craves for love and companionship. We may not realize or agree it when we think about it, but when you are left alone in the path of life, you realize that all successes, or all that you achieved does not make you fully happy. Family, relatives, friends, colleagues, life partner etc. Every person needs these, at least any one of them for survival. But the intricacies of the mind leaves us confused regarding all these relations and their meaning and essence in our life. All are different and plays a different role. Human beings are not so lucky to obtain all the relations in one person itself. The levels of importance and impact which these relations have on our life is distinguished by an unknown or undefined line of identification. But as always, this line is not clear or cannot be properly defined.

In this society, we consider family as the most important and is considered as the nucleus of which we are part of. Then there are the relatives, close friends, colleagues and acquaintances in that order. Even in Orkut, you can find the categorization of the same for the friends list. But recently when I tried to do the same, I got confused. There are friends who I have not met, but still are my good friends. There are people whom I know very well, but I seldom talk to them, just like an acquaintance. The same applies for relatives too. There maybe some distant distant relatives who may be integral part of family, but for us, they are just acquaintance. Then there are friends or colleagues to whom we reveal more than what we say to the family. All these complications therefore I feel is based on the dependency factor which becomes crucial in deciding the line of identification. More than blood or water or whatever which decides the thickness, I guess this dependency is what makes the relation thicker or thinner. But to make matters complicated while resolving them, this dependency factor is never constant. It keeps on changing over time, based on availability. But it keeps matters simple and plain, there by supporting the undefined and unnamed relations prevailing in the society.
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August month has so much of memories to me. Lot many stories, so many birthdays. Not only August, but almost all months of the year from August has so many birthdays to remember. Apart from that, what makes August special is the famous Raksha bandhan festival, which is celebrated in northern parts of India as a big festival. Its the day when brother – sister relationship is given importance. Its celebrated in south India too, but not that special. For me, I never ever celebrated this, as I did not had any brothers. Mom used to cook special food and all, but apart from that, this had no relevance at all. But from the last year, I have met so many people who match that category of brothers. Those, who have really made me feel what all I have been missing and the kind of advice and care that brothers give to their sisters. And that too, when some are from different caste, it gives really different sense of aerie. Now, after all this months, when the season has come again, the pearls hooked up in some corner of the minds are being washed once more with the waves of memories, imprinting once more…Time passes by and along with them, the contacts too, and some others eventually has replaced the void; to bestow upon me, the advices and scoldings to change me only to find that whatever they are saying has no effect on me. But the good thing is they still keep on repeating and call me up whenever I need them, in spite of their personal and official busy lives!!

This month end, when all will be wishing and tying rakhi to their loving brothers, I am sure I will be thinking of some good old memories and the friends here as usual will be having a tough time to boost me up!! What to do, I want to change myself, but my mind does not allow me!!!

Hmm, poor brothers!!! Just hold on, I am trying my best…

August 5th. Everyone is busy wishing “Happy Friendship Day” to each other. I guess all do have friends. At least they think they have. But the importance of friends is known only when we are in crisis. When we need the support and care in the way we wish, we turn to them. For bringing back our minds from the big black hole of thoughts n sorrows and to give meaning to life. Friends to whom you can call when you feel dull, when you need money, when you want advice, when you get bored, when you are too happy or anytime…

There is this blog post by Chandni which entrusts the deep loneliness when we don’t have real friends in life. Life’s indeed boring for each n all, but these small small talks, laughs, jokes, incidents keeps you moving on and on… There has been another article on unthanked people, which reflects the importance of many special people in our lives to whom we should be grateful.

Even in our day-to-day lives, we find such saviors, without whom, we feel devastated. For me, most of such people fall in the category of friends. There are others too, unknown strangers who helps us in various forms of life. We keep remembering them and spread good words about them to all. But the near ones, like family n friends, we take for granted. They too should be thanked; why to leave them unthanked. Friendship is present in every relationship. And in the recent years, I have met few people to whom I owe lot, some who still keep in touch, but some who have lost the contact and some who though have the contact, are too lazy to call each other..

Today when the season is approaching, I wish to thank all the friends who came in my life, taught many things, gave me support, and lots of beautiful memories… Happy friendship day, my friend…

This tag was playing around everywhere for a while long back, so since nothing else to blog, but since I want to blog, I am picking the tag without being tagged by anyone! I am not sure what five things I can write about which gives insight into my nature or behaviour to others. Hmm, let me try.

1. I hate tomatoes. But I can have them in the form of tomato ketchup or raw ones in salt, or along with burger.

2. I play veena a bit. Music has always been a passion, and veena I did learn for some time as part of it… But I don’t know why, I am not able to sing or play veena when someone asks me to do so. I really do hurt my parents cos of my this behaviour.

3. I get irritated and angry very fast, but I cool down instantly. I am extremely sensitive and emotional and think too much and can ponder over that and this and the results of which you people are reading this blog. So enjoy!!!

4. I used to or was an addict of Hindi serials. Rest of the time I used to sit glued to pc and if you ask what I will do, if net is there, I spend time browsing that n this, if not, I will check all the thorough analysis of all the folders, and if found any softwares, I try them out, or if I get any software, I install them, try it out, uninstall it, and this will go on till the pc gets stuck, which happens very fast usually. Don’t worry I do that especially if its not my PC!

5. I don’t know swimming. There are lot of sports and exercises which I have not played. In my young age, I wished to take participate in lots, but either my health or some reason or other posed as hindrance. Similarly roller skating, table tennis, badminton, squash (Did you know that I used to play with ball alone by hitting onto wall, and using my hand as bat, to imitate the game of squash!) are few games I had in my wish list. I used to play carroms with appa (carrom-specialist!!) and chess with the neighbour boy (to whom I lost all time )… Hmmm. Those were the days…

I had plans of writing some blog posts, and had already written few, but not feeling like publishing them, cos it does not represent my state of mind today. For few days now, I feel like writing some cribbing posts, then felt cribbing is not a good thing to do. I am also getting angry at silly things, for tiny tiny events happening around me. I feel such emotions are felt, when some matters disturbs our inner state of mind. Strange is the human mind which generates so much emotions and associated thoughts. We have the anger, happy, sad, disappointment, pain, blankness, blah blah… And if not through one, it find its own way to be expressed out in some other form. Anyways I do not want to write a bad post in such a mood. Also I dont think anyone likes to read or cares about such rants of mine. Dont worry readers(if any), I will try my best to come back soon… I guess I ranted too much already. Aint I?? Hmmm…