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PS: Another forwarded mail which claims the source as Psychology today site…

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

It’s clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. So I’m using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem.

From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it’s a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door.
Read the rest of this entry »

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at wat ur studyin or ur job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you’re doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends… maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion…

Its called “Quarter-life Crisis.” nothing is constant……except change. wats life without a few risks?

PS: Got this as a forwarded mail, but found it to be so true……

PS: From an article in a regional monthly magazine

Laxman was a good looking young man from a middle class family with a well-earning job. In his early youth, he had met with a bike accident which resulted in a severe blow to his head. After the incident, his life moved on without any issues. Few months after the incident, there was a gradual change in his behaviour; he got irritated very suddenly, got angry and violent impulsively, and behaved strangely. His family and relatives considered it as the rage of his age, and decided to get him married. The chosen one was Leela.

The life after marriage was not so smooth as all expected. Leela realized this in the first night itself. She moved on with life adjusting with the occasional violent behaviour of Laxman. In due time, Leela got pregnant but his behaviour never changed. At times, in his rage, he even tried to attack his wife violently.

In the end, Leela’s parents applied for divorce. Laxman himself came to leave her with care, at her home. The case went on in court, and meanwhile, Leela gave birth to a baby girl. Laxman went to see the baby to her house, but her family and relatives did not allow him to see his child.

Finally, Laxman’s family started treating him for his abnormality by sending him to a mental asylum(or hospital), where, after sometime, he committed suicide. His suicide note and last words looked like:

“Leela,
Whom does our child look like? Like mom or dad? Hope you’d bring her up nicely without letting her know that her father was mad, won’t you?”

Yesterday it was “Happy Mother’s Day”. This year I am missing my mom lot, she is just a call away, but still.. She calls me up daily, but still… She called me yesterday too, but… I still couldn’t say that! Lot many people keep saying that they hug and kiss their mom’s. And at the same time, they hide many facts from their mothers so that their moms don’t get hurt… I too do the same, but I try not to lie.. I just cant… She is always there for you, as a support, morally, when you are down at times and physically, when you are ill… Sometimes we feel that the generation gap has grown up too much that, we say excuses and lies to go out and do things which we feel right.. But I guess we often forget the fact, that no one can understand us better than our mom… I got a sms forward from my friend yesterday which absolutely said everything about her:
She loves you,
She cries for you,
She prays for you,
She gets concerned & angry at you,
She is none other than your mother.
Make your mother smile today…
Happy Mother’s Day!!

I love you amma.. And I miss you too….

Hmmm.. the issue of why women behave like this and that, and why men don’t understand many things has been the talk from the time, both were born! Intelligent people blame it on the genes, but I guess its almost true. Its the way the men and women developed themselves over these ages. In some books, they have given the explanation that its due to the pre-historic age, in which man worked for living while women in the cave looked after the family. That gives in for most of the behavior, but it also provides an insight of how human beings evolve over the ages.

The human being itself is a big complicated topic to talk about. Lots of things like God, existence of universe, and also the human beings are all matters to talk about, but the most intricate will be the human mind. There has been lots of theories on artificial intelligence which states how does human brain work, the explanations of various senses, feelings, reasoning, movements, etc etc. Thats too much into science now.

In general, people keep saying women think by heart while men think using mind and are more practical.Does heart think?? Is there something like heart? Whats brain does then? Is mind and brain same? What do people mean by practicality? Coming in terms with reality? Is there something like living in dreams then? Why does people think that only women are weak and men are strong while its just the opposite always!

Don’t we have a subconscious mind like a sixth sense which governs all our decisions? Trained like all other senses to get adjusted to the reality? Which also kindles the feelings of hopes n dreams and wishes named as wishes of heart? Which creates the different feelings of joy, sorrow, pain, disappointment, need, wants, affection, attraction with the help of chemical substances called hormones? Aren’t the terms practicality an abstract term which suppresses our feelings?

And everywhere they keep saying, women are stupid and weak. Why do they love their mothers then? For being stupids and idiots or cos of the love n affection? Why do they feel lonely without girlfriends? Is it only cos of the physical attraction or cos they need someone who understands them? If women are not so practical, then how can they take care of the family and the household? They say women are weak and always takes things to heart, if they too were practical as the guys were, why would ever guys turn to gals for support? Women are indeed practical, but they do think with heart or their instinct, just as how they protected their children n themselves by identifying danger in the prehistoric age. Men do have feelings and emotions more than women, but unlike women, they are used to not to show them out and move on easily.
(So beware, even when a woman says ‘nothing’ that means there is really ‘something’ and she wants the man to understand it implicitly!! But men rarely realizes it, but with age n time, the successful men realize it soon!!!)
Women also can argue and they can reason you out, and they can lead you or the business too, but everywhere they accept the defeat so that their men can win.And cos they are brought up in that way by the time.

Its really pity that some men don’t give the respect to woman as much as she needs and instead keep hurting her…

I guess this is a very delicate topic to write about, but I am sure all people in this world has gone through the phase of the entangling relationships and feelings, where you are uncertain what’s happening to you and your surroundings. People tend to misunderstand most of the time the feelings of dependence as love, or is it true?
I read the following as quoted in a blog from the book Elizabeth George’s “Missing Joseph” where the woman wonders what love is…

I don’t know what it means to love anyone, she realized. I thought it was goodness, a wanting to share. I thought it meant like you hold out your hand and someone takes it, holds it hard, and pulls you safe from the river. You talk. You tell him bits of yourself. You say here’s where I hurt and you give it to him and he holds it and gives you where he hurts in return and you hold it and that’s how you learn to love. You lean where he’s strong. He leans where you’re strong. And there’s a joining somewhere .. ..

I have heard lots of break ups and past relations of few people. In most cases, they think that its their fault or blame the other. Is it wrong to get dependent and keep expectations? I don’t think so. Maybe you have to learn to accept the reality also. As said in DDLJ film, you may dream and you have the right to dream, but don’t ever keep the expectations that the dream and our expectations should be true and should happen at that point of time. I guess thats the reason for most of the friction occurring in any relation.

Even after these small frictions and official breakups, the feelings never change, only the intensity comes down. And feelings are distinguished by their intensity. The base of all feelings are care and concern for the other, and I guess this never changes in any relationship, even though you start to hate the other or even till the end of their life. Relations never die, maybe the intensity reduces to almost to an unknown level.

As posted by Megha, society do play a very important role in confusing the relations. Age maybe the factor when you are young, but there are other reasons in later part of life, when the relations are disturbed and named something else. And the strange thing is the society includes all the learned people and still they do keep the conventional points and rules at heart.

Boys say girls can never be trusted. They change their decisions any time. Gals keep saying boys are cheaters, and they leave them whenever they are enough of the gals. Both boys and gals are human beings and I guess its in their genes to take risk and immature decisions at certain specified ages. Maybe when you realize these, people say you’ve grown up. We tend to accept the reality and try to live in the practical world, making decisions based on feasibility. Maybe we may not be happy as our wishes has not fulfilled. But we move on to find happiness in what we achieve and receive. Be it professional and personal life. We may do cry like a child at times, but regain ourselves, without anyone to understand us or make us understand. We get to know whats the relations are and their importance.

But still, people do move on, accepting the strange ways of relations and also the society, accepting reality and becomes more “practical”, as they say.
Again as Someone said,

“Everything will be OK in the end, if its not, its not the end…”

Maybe this is what you call life. To live with a ray of hope that everything will be ok in the end…

Last night, I accidently heard the song from the film “Sillinu oru kaadhal”(or is it “Jillinu oru kaadhal!.. bah! I dono!! who cares!). It reminded me of the film story again.

The story goes like this. Gautam(Surya) is married to Kundavi(Jyothika) and has a kid also. A happy family of age 8 years with the usual tensions at times. Then one day, while, Gautam is out of station, Kundavi finds his old diary, and starts reading it. In the diary, he says about his college days, his college love, Aishu(Bhumika Chawla), who is a Telugu girl and daughter of some minister (high position type!) and how they were in love, the happy days, and then finally the decision to run-away and get married inspite of her parents reluctance, and in the end, how they gets splitted up in the register court, cos of her father’s tactics..(Its shown in the film, that by the time, the villain ppl separates the love-couple, the knot has been tied between Gautam and Aishu.) The diary ends with a note, that his sole wish is to meet Aishu just once more.. Kundavi then decides to make the two people unite once more, to fulfill his wishes! And as filmy as it can be, Aishu is shown returning from Australia and is still angry with her father and family. Kundavi meets her up (And provides us a hint that Aishu is still living as Gautam’s wife!). After a stretched drama, Kundavi manages to make Gautam and Aishu meet at their house. The film ends with Kundavi returning back home, only to find a farewell note from Aishu to her, saying that she is thankful to her for this meeting before her departure back to Australia, and also assured her that, she realized from the talk she had with Gautam, that he loves only Kundavi now, and has completely moved on from the past… Thereafter Gautam and Kundavi lives happily everafter!

The film has a happy ending and the onscreen chemistry of Surya and Jyothika was a big hit as always. But the song, “Munpe vaa” portraying Aishu and Gautam of their happy college days is a bitter one, as in the end, its not portrayed what happens to Aishu and how she lives on. Why is that relationship not given that much importance from Gautam’s side? He was rebellious in his college days to break her away from her family and to get married. Why hasn’t he felt or given any thoughts to how she might have been living? Why did he hide the fact from Kundavi? Maybe cos he doesn’t think of it anymore. But if she too had married someone else and had moved on from the past, then we could have concluded its really a happy ending. Here, its absurd!! They say, the time is different, time heals all wounds, all pains… Maybe its true, but what about some scars which never heal? Maybe pains get cured, but how to erase those memories?

I guess life itself is absurd, leave alone the films and stories!!
Peace!

Another valentine’s day got over.. It was very recently that this day got this much recognition and people started celebrating one special day to celebrate love. All the youngsters now look forward to this day with very high hopes n dreams. I agree lots of people, including myself are a part of them.

Many people are against this V-day, saying this is all western culture and that they need not have a special day for revealing their love towards their close ones. Ya, indeed we need not have specific day and time for that, but in our busy schedule and hectic life, where Indians are progressing like the West in living a mechanical life routine, I guess, enjoying and celebrating such days boosts up our private life and our emotional quotient.

And without emotions and feelings, man is not complete. Every one loves and cares for atleast few people if not more, and the different names like care, friendship, crush, infatuation, love, and the different classifications within love like love for parents, love for partner, love for siblings, love for friends and what not! uff! All are gimmicks, atleast that’s what i feel. Each human being has consistent emotions and feelings of his own and that too predefined to certain other beings, be it other human beings or to animals and birds. And its the man who changed the whole perspective and put the limitations or restrictions for loving each other. He created the limits for friendship and love, by defining physical intimacy, but they may have forgot that hugs and touch are the best ways to show care. They have limited the word of love to only the love between lovers. Can’t we celebrate the day for spreading love to parents, friends, sisters, and even neighbours!!

Oh ok, I guess I am too much preaching like Mother Teresa.. But at times, I really feel utmost respect for her, b’coz her preachings of love was so true. It teaches you so many things in life, and its deficiency leads to disaster in day to day life… Only if the whole society accepted the same and started following her principles from the first! What changes would have happened??? Umm.. Well, there wont be any discrimination, blah blah…those are too general.. leave it there. Then there wont be any misunderstandings between friendships and love. Though i agree some limits is needed btw boys and girls, many people put too much restrictions to even frienships between them. When there can be many beautiful relations arising out, the society turns them out to some thing else! All people need solace and are dependent on each other. And i guess that’s where love evolves…

So let’s hope this V-day refreshes the love we have for each other just like a new year presents us with new opportunities and refreshes our responsibilities..

And regarding you people’s doubt, (;-)) no, i have no valentine as of now, but for me, I love my parents, sis and all my friends(online and real)!!! Thats more than enough for me to enjoy the day!