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“Lucky hote hai woh jinhe zindagi mein doosra mauka miltha hai…”

Yesterday, on the fly, we got tickets for Rock On!!! And it was absolutely rocking. I don’t want to review it. I couldn’t view it as a film. It portrayed characters with some shades of mine, rather you, or everyone.

The film spoke of the rock band, Magik, which did live performances and created wonders. It spoke of the drift in life, in which they are carried away with the compromises of life. I too, rather ,each one of us has created Magik in our yesteryears. I don’t mean live performances or great music. But some magic moments. At various phases in my life. There were KD, Joe and Rob, Tanya and Debbie in many of those whom I met. There was the reminiscent Tea stall in the form of restaurants and other hang outs. There was even Sakshi amongst us, who tried to bring out the real “us”  from inside. And there were the drift aparts too. It has not been 10 years as in the film, but time has taken its toll already, and is dominating. Are we gonna miss the 10 years? Are we really satisfied with the way we live? Are we really happy? Are we being the real? What is it that we are lacking? What if, we don’t get a second chance unlike in the film? Or did we miss the second chance? What if, we are not lucky as Rob in real life?  Do we need to wait for another Sakshi and Devika to sprung up in our lives and take us back once again to recreate Magik? What’s pulling us back to take the initiative???

“..kab woh mera peecha chodenge?..”
“…jab tum unse bhaagna bandh kar dhoge…“

She came in to my life on a fine one day,
But I didnt knew, she came there to stay
We stayed together from then, for a reason,
But i didnt knew, there would be an end to the season.

I loved her round and cute pink face,
Which left me at times in a daze.
Many a times she combs her straight hair,
But as always, she gives up in despair.
I tried initially to convey, but in vain,
That she looked a beauty even in plain.

We travelled in Chennai and went round,
Sharing the old and creating new memories all around,
Being the bubbly and talkative she is,
I would always nod my head in every 2 mins.

We shared the bed and our secrets, but never crossed our path,
We did fight, but always in silent wrath.
But when i fell ill, she gave silently a pill,
And cooked rice, when she never did it before, even for a drill.

Many walked into our lives, and many went away,
But we both saw it through without much sway.
We were called man and wife by some of them,
And we never bothered to correct any of them.

As I stand wondersruck at God’s gift to me,
I wondered about both of our fate and destiny.
I am now forced to leave her there,
Not knowing when to meet her somewhere.

I could feel her pain of loneliness,
But dear, I am also devoid of happiness.
Though I have few friends and an elder sister,
They can never replace you at all, ever either.

I will always be happy at my fate,
To get such a wonderful first room-mate.
As time and life forbids, we met now with parting eyes
But as you said earlier, never ever say good byes…

These songs have been crying out in my mind for the past few days. Both are too senti and I guess this and this are the main reasons for me getting disturbed these days.. Strange how music can change your mood!!!

Just short of few days to complete one month… Yes, its been more than 3 weeks of my marriage.

People keeps asking how is the new life. As if I have resurrected from an escaped car accident! Maybe I have changed. Have I? As they say, everything lies in the eyes of the beholder. My perpective may be different from others.

I am blank for past few weeks. So many things happening, new relations, new families, new environment, new friends, new town. I agree everything is new. But aint I still the same? I don’t feel myself now. As if I have been pushed to a new world. But if I rethink, I am not absorbed by the new whirlpool yet. I guess I am on the edge. If you ask what’s on my mind, I am unsure. There were so many I wanted to think of, but it doesn’t settled on one lest to pour them out! There are so many things I am missing now, but also excited of the uncertain life ahead. It seems strange when people who knows you treats you as someone else, but it also feels good when unknown people starts respecting you for being Mrs. I know I am not just a friend or a daughter anymore, I am more than that… But… Is it that being too good to me, has disadvantages also?

I feel I am losing my self, even when I am gaining a new identity… What am I now??!!

It was over 7.45pm. The last bus to my home will start within 15 minutes. I swiftly closed all windows, logged off my machine, and closed my drawer. Taking the bag onto my shoulder, I moved out of my desk, walking towards the corridor swiping out my id card. At the corridor, he joined me, with a blank face. He too maybe going home, in his bike.

..::::..

11 months ago:

It was over 5.30pm. The first bus was at 6.30pm. The new mail notification was smiling at me at the system tray. It was the mail from him.
“Hello, when leaving?”
“Not decided. What about you?”
“Not much work today. I may leave by 6.30”
“Hmm..Ok, catch a seat for me too”.. “if possible..”
“If possible huh??? I will think about it..”
“Keep thinking.. But inform me before the bus goes.. , I wonder what is there to think!!”
“Like whether I need to bear your chitchat whole while in bus n all…”
“..What!!…”
“..hehe…”
“……”
“…”

..::::..
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Its raining heavily in Chennai. And that too in summer. Totally unexpected. But I guess, in life, the only thing that should be expected is the unexpected. Thats the only thing that sustains. Seasons do change. But how and when, is unpredictable. Does Man knows about these?? Do they care about the climate? Whether it rains or not? Whether its sunny or not??? They just complain. “Oh its so hot”. “What a stupid rain”. “What a gloomy day” blah blah… But after all, they are not at fault. When someone says, “its so hot”, its crazy to say “hey no, its sunny but its a beautiful day”. Strange!

Is it so hard to be different?? People say those are some hard core facts of life which we need to accept and move on. True indeed, there are some situations which is out of our control, but chasing our dreams is always in our hand. The dreams need to be flexible indeed as per the situations, and in some cases, its upto us, to find out the fulfillment of our dreams in what is happening around us.

The leaves have worn off now due to the climate change. And what is left are the dropped off leaves and their memories. Some people are busy cleaning up the dry leaves and clearing the mess. But then what will be left out? Isn’t life beautiful with the dry leaves filled on the ground, with some few leaves left on the rusted tree??? Isn’t the last leaf always beautiful???

Happiness. The word itself can make you smile if you are in a good mood, or can reflect all the bad memories if you are in a dull mood, and can set your minds thinking psychologically if you are bit crazy.

Thinking of third aspect, what is your ultimate goal in life? Some say, thats the question which drives our lives, some say its attaining Moksha or Nirvana, some say it is to perform our duties and responsibilities, and some even say its to reach near God! These are all spiritual goals in one way or another. What about materialistic goals? Gaining money or Becoming famous or is it living happily? I know I know, its all.

I remember studying a story as part of school curriculum, about three brothers. I don’t remember the exact details, but it was something like, inorder to settle the dispute (over the inheritance of wealth or something), the King announced that who ever is successful after 3 (or 5) years, he would be chosen as the favourable chosen person. The chosen one was a poor farmer, but he was happy. The story ends with the moral that contentment is the ultimate wealth.

Every person in the world faces troubles. There happens mood swings when all thoughts pour in your mind. The self-development and inspirational websites help us to some extent to give instant boost, but the effects fade away easily. In many of the websites, they preach to develop friends, or to get busy in something or other, or to work towards your goals and etc. But for all, you need a li’l inspiration, a lovely pat, a small cheer up or a wonderful smile…If you are happy and smiling, you can give a try making others smile too and talking them out. But what if you are not? Thats where we need to improve.

Some people call up their friends to talk. They are lucky to have such close ones to talk them out. But there are situations when they are not reachable or times when we cannot reveal to others. Some just brood over for some time and then recover themselves. Some just hide it in the corner of their heart leaving them to pile up and live as if nothing happened. Then when limit reaches, everything blurts out leaving you shattered. Is this worth? Can’t we share out? No. Because people are not willing to hear out the troubles of others, but just expects the world to solve all the problems.

Why don’t we share both the happiness and sorrows. Have people become so narrow minded or selfish? Some blame it on individual behaviour and some blame on the rules of the society. But isn’t it influenced by the environment we live in? Why don’t people change themselves and love others, instead of learning to hurt them. Why don’t they realize that the source of happiness and peace is themselves? As usual, there would be no answer…!!

The rise of a new dawn,
Or is it another dusk,
Yet another week forlorn,
When bygone memories sink

Its time I realize my priorities; they explain,
But to foresee not, the throne i bestow them,
Their blindness do pricks, and thrusts damn pain,
After all, how can they do to me such a maim!!!