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It was over 7.45pm. The last bus to my home will start within 15 minutes. I swiftly closed all windows, logged off my machine, and closed my drawer. Taking the bag onto my shoulder, I moved out of my desk, walking towards the corridor swiping out my id card. At the corridor, he joined me, with a blank face. He too maybe going home, in his bike.

..::::..

11 months ago:

It was over 5.30pm. The first bus was at 6.30pm. The new mail notification was smiling at me at the system tray. It was the mail from him.
“Hello, when leaving?”
“Not decided. What about you?”
“Not much work today. I may leave by 6.30”
“Hmm..Ok, catch a seat for me too”.. “if possible..”
“If possible huh??? I will think about it..”
“Keep thinking.. But inform me before the bus goes.. , I wonder what is there to think!!”
“Like whether I need to bear your chitchat whole while in bus n all…”
“..What!!…”
“..hehe…”
“……”
“…”

..::::..
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I just finished “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Alboom. The book is all about conversations between a student and a Coach, who is about to succumb to ALS disease. You can find instant similarity with the student, Mitch, if you are questioning the meaning of life. They talk about death, money, love, marriage, aging, emotions, family and friends, forgiveness and their essence in our lives. The Coach, Morrie Shwartz, is a teacher in sociology, and his interpretations of human relations and needs is very much true. It also talks abstractly about souls and life after death, and speaks along the borders of life and death.

Every human being is in search of love, and craves for attention. People are different, and hence all need not accept it publicly, the universal truth. We keep expecting more, and end up immersed in material needs like money, things, places, houses, cars, etc. As Morrie says, there is a clear line of distinction in what we need and what we want. But only when we realize that its our last day, we get to the essentials. Relationships and love only survive till our end. His famous aphorism was “Love each other or perish“. True indeed, thats the only one which can give you internal satisfaction, rather than the immaterial ones, which have an expiry date. “Death kills life, not the relationships“.

This book has similarities in ideas referenced by other books like “The Present” or the “LOA”(law of attraction). There are good days and bad days, and there would be times, when we cannot live our life fully as we expected. But we just need to live through the emotion, to experience it fully, and then move on to experience other emotions of life. Its easy to move on, once you grasped the idea of forgiveness. But how many of us do that in our day-to-day life? Maybe thats where people become unique. Every one has their own way of living life and thinking ways.

I would rate the book an 8.5/10 for its excellent message and impact on me. The marks lost in the descriptions of ALS disease, which lefts the strong realization of life in us, that everything is impermanent. But nevertheless, this book has brightened my mood, and I am sure, it can affect you too.

Happy reading.

Its raining heavily in Chennai. And that too in summer. Totally unexpected. But I guess, in life, the only thing that should be expected is the unexpected. Thats the only thing that sustains. Seasons do change. But how and when, is unpredictable. Does Man knows about these?? Do they care about the climate? Whether it rains or not? Whether its sunny or not??? They just complain. “Oh its so hot”. “What a stupid rain”. “What a gloomy day” blah blah… But after all, they are not at fault. When someone says, “its so hot”, its crazy to say “hey no, its sunny but its a beautiful day”. Strange!

Is it so hard to be different?? People say those are some hard core facts of life which we need to accept and move on. True indeed, there are some situations which is out of our control, but chasing our dreams is always in our hand. The dreams need to be flexible indeed as per the situations, and in some cases, its upto us, to find out the fulfillment of our dreams in what is happening around us.

The leaves have worn off now due to the climate change. And what is left are the dropped off leaves and their memories. Some people are busy cleaning up the dry leaves and clearing the mess. But then what will be left out? Isn’t life beautiful with the dry leaves filled on the ground, with some few leaves left on the rusted tree??? Isn’t the last leaf always beautiful???

The rise of a new dawn,
Or is it another dusk,
Yet another week forlorn,
When bygone memories sink

Its time I realize my priorities; they explain,
But to foresee not, the throne i bestow them,
Their blindness do pricks, and thrusts damn pain,
After all, how can they do to me such a maim!!!

Every human being is a social animal. He craves for love and companionship. We may not realize or agree it when we think about it, but when you are left alone in the path of life, you realize that all successes, or all that you achieved does not make you fully happy. Family, relatives, friends, colleagues, life partner etc. Every person needs these, at least any one of them for survival. But the intricacies of the mind leaves us confused regarding all these relations and their meaning and essence in our life. All are different and plays a different role. Human beings are not so lucky to obtain all the relations in one person itself. The levels of importance and impact which these relations have on our life is distinguished by an unknown or undefined line of identification. But as always, this line is not clear or cannot be properly defined.

In this society, we consider family as the most important and is considered as the nucleus of which we are part of. Then there are the relatives, close friends, colleagues and acquaintances in that order. Even in Orkut, you can find the categorization of the same for the friends list. But recently when I tried to do the same, I got confused. There are friends who I have not met, but still are my good friends. There are people whom I know very well, but I seldom talk to them, just like an acquaintance. The same applies for relatives too. There maybe some distant distant relatives who may be integral part of family, but for us, they are just acquaintance. Then there are friends or colleagues to whom we reveal more than what we say to the family. All these complications therefore I feel is based on the dependency factor which becomes crucial in deciding the line of identification. More than blood or water or whatever which decides the thickness, I guess this dependency is what makes the relation thicker or thinner. But to make matters complicated while resolving them, this dependency factor is never constant. It keeps on changing over time, based on availability. But it keeps matters simple and plain, there by supporting the undefined and unnamed relations prevailing in the society.
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PS: From an article in a regional monthly magazine

Laxman was a good looking young man from a middle class family with a well-earning job. In his early youth, he had met with a bike accident which resulted in a severe blow to his head. After the incident, his life moved on without any issues. Few months after the incident, there was a gradual change in his behaviour; he got irritated very suddenly, got angry and violent impulsively, and behaved strangely. His family and relatives considered it as the rage of his age, and decided to get him married. The chosen one was Leela.

The life after marriage was not so smooth as all expected. Leela realized this in the first night itself. She moved on with life adjusting with the occasional violent behaviour of Laxman. In due time, Leela got pregnant but his behaviour never changed. At times, in his rage, he even tried to attack his wife violently.

In the end, Leela’s parents applied for divorce. Laxman himself came to leave her with care, at her home. The case went on in court, and meanwhile, Leela gave birth to a baby girl. Laxman went to see the baby to her house, but her family and relatives did not allow him to see his child.

Finally, Laxman’s family started treating him for his abnormality by sending him to a mental asylum(or hospital), where, after sometime, he committed suicide. His suicide note and last words looked like:

“Leela,
Whom does our child look like? Like mom or dad? Hope you’d bring her up nicely without letting her know that her father was mad, won’t you?”

The world is really progressing I guess. Atleast thats what elder people say. At home, its frequent that we hide many things from our parents because of the fear that they won’t understand this and that. Being just one year into this corporate world and out of college, the family starts looking out for grooms and advertising in matrimonial sites for suitable companions for their young ones. If we remind them that we don’t want to settle in now, they ask why. Why? Hmmm… I dono how to explain. On this, then they ask, “ok, is there someone?!!!!” .. “What??!!”  Maybe the freedom we enjoy, is an addiction and they don’t want us to fall for that. Ok fine. But how do we determine the right time? Is it the age? I guess its just one of the factors. There are many which goes unnoticed. I guess we need time to set the foundation for many things like our career,(you may ask, one year is not enough kya? well.. its high time I agree, but for me unfortunately it is not enough!).. The preparation for taking up the responsibilities, the time to build up the managerial capability for planning between work and family and relatives. They say, you’ll need a companion to live life n all and I agree with it too, but we just fear the additional responsibilities that come with the bonus. All these things matters more to women, because there are many young girls who are forced to accept and adjust their career growth after marriage..
So many decisions to make, very little time and a very short life!!!! Hmmmm!….

Many a people, including my mom, have asked me what is it that I am looking forward to? And I don’t have any answer. I am sure no girl of my age would have a true answer. I feel all are searching for some one. Even the guys are doing the same. They check out the hot chicks to show off or to enjoy hanging out as friends, but at heart I am sure they want someone else as their dream girl. Sometimes we feel we found out the right one, and we feel we are fully in love and that this is the final one etc, but later when reality dawns onto us, we feel he/she was just a strong contestant in the contest. And ths contestants and their probability to win our heart and lose in another second is just a matter of time and destiny, the game which is played by the Unknown.
This reminds me of the dialogues in the film ‘Anand’ in which Rajesh Khanna says something like: ‘The world is a stage in which we are the actors and actresses playing a drama called life under the production and direction of the Unknown!’

sometimes, i feel life has been teaching me iin different ways different things. its going to be almost one year tat i have joined the CTS and working as software professional. Every day was a new experience to me. Sometimes i felt i am discovering myself, how i want to live life, how to enjoy, how to get along with others, how to live with yourself and many more. I even wondered why am i working like this in another state, just for money?
lot many things happening sometimies, and at times no movement at all. Are these silences just tea breaks during the sessions? I still wonder……